February 8

We’ve been having the most miserable weather for the last eight days and it’s been so soothing. Because ever since I’ve been here, I haven’t had a single beautiful day that someone hasn’t ended up ruining or spoiling. But now, when it’s rainy and slushy and freezing and wet: ha! I figure, it can’t be any worse indoors than it is outside (or vice-versa)—and that, I can handle. If it’s sunny in the morning and it looks like a nice day, I can never help yelling, “One more heavenly blessing for them to cheat each other out of!” They cheat each other out of everything… health, reputation, happiness, peace of mind! And mostly just from sheer stupidity, lack of understanding, and narrow-mindedness—and, according to them, all with the best of intentions. Sometimes I want to get on my knees and beg them, please, look what you’re doing to yourselves…

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February 17

I don’t think Jim and I can keep this up much longer. That guy is totally, 100% UNBEARABLE. His way of working and getting things done is so absurd that I can’t help talking back to him, and a lot of the time I just go ahead and do things my way, which means of course as always they don’t meet his “standards”. He actually went and complained about me to management recently, and I got a, granted, very mild warning from the head of HR, but it was still a warning, and I was seriously thinking about giving my two weeks’ notice, when I suddenly got another letter from her in my personal email that was so generous and noble and wise I actually got down on my knees and prayed to the computer :P She called me out for being way too sensitive, she acknowledged all my overblown ideas about responsibility and setting a good example and quality work, and even celebrated them as ‘youthful passion’—not trying to stamp them out, just trying to moderate them and direct them in a way that they could actually see some play and have a real effect. And since then, this past week, I’ve felt so much more grounded and in tune with myself. It’s an amazing thing, peace in your soul, and joy in your Self. Priceless as a Ming vase, Will…and, sadly, just as fragile :-/

February 20 (Werther to Albert)

Wow—congratulations to both of you! God grant you all the happy days he takes away from me!

You know, Albert, I’m actually glad you went behind my back. I kept waiting to hear when the wedding was going to be, and I had this whole ritual planned out of taking Lotte’s silhouette down from my wall that day and burying it at the bottom of a drawer. But now you’re married, and the picture’s still up! And you know what? It’s staying up! ‘Cause why not? I mean, we’re all still so close, I know it’s not like Lotte’s relationship with you diminishes what she and I have, I’m still #2 in her heart and I want to & HAVE to stay there. Gah, I would go crazy if she ever forgot—Albert, that thought goes to a very dark place. Be well, Albert! Be well, Angel of Heaven! Be well, Lotte!