July 8

GAHHH, I’m such a BABY! Freaking out over a LOOK! I’m such a BABY!!
We’d gone up to Pickton. The girls had driven out to meet us, and while we were out walking together, I thought maybe I saw, in Lotte’s dark eyes — I’m such a dumbass, I’m sorry! you really have to see these eyes — ANYWAY, long story short (I am passing out, I am so tired), right, the girls got back in the car, and we were standing around it, this kid JD, Seth, Austin, and me. The girls in the car were bantering with the guys, and the guys were being all flirty and jokey. I was trying to make eye contact with Lotte, ungggh, she kept looking from person to person! Except me! me! me! standing there all alone and resigned, she looked at everyone but ME! My heart was screaming a thousand silent goodbyes! And she didn’t SEE me! The car drove off and I started tearing up. I watched it go, and saw Lotte’s hair flying in the wind, she was leaning out the window looking back at — ahhh! at ME?!? WILL!!! Not knowing is killing me — the only thing keeping me going is: maybe she looked back at me! MAYBE!
Good night! I’m such a BABY!!!

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