July 24

You’re making such a big deal about whether I’m keeping up my drawing that I’d rather just skip the whole topic than admit how little I’ve been doing.
I’ve never been happier, I’ve never been so sensitive to nature, all the way down to pebbles and weeds, in such a full and personal way, but — I can’t find any way to express myself, my imagination is just shot, everything I picture is so shaky and wobbly that I can’t pin down the outlines of anything — but I’ve been thinking that if I had clay or wax I could really get into sculpting. I am going to find some clay, if this goes on like this, and knead it, even if all I make is blobs!
I’ve started a portrait of Lotte three times, and every time I’ve made a fucking mess — which is especially frustrating because I could get pretty good likenesses not that long ago. So I’ve gone and sketched her silhouette and that’s just gonna have to do.