September 12

She was out of town the last few days, staying with Albert for the end of his business trip. Today I walked in her room, she jumped up to greet me, and it felt so wonderful just hugging her again.

A budgie flew down from the mirror onto her shoulder. “A new friend,” she said, luring him onto her hand, “for the young’uns to play with. He’s too cute! Look at him! When I give him some seeds, he flutters his wings and starts pecking so daintily. And he even kisses me, look!”

She leaned her mouth down to the little critter, and it pressed itself so tenderly against her sweet lips, as if it could feel the transcendence it was getting to enjoy.

“Here, let him kiss you, too,” she said and reached the bird over. The little beak moved from her mouth to mine, and the nibbling sensation was like a breath, a whisper, of something hot and tender.

“His kissing has some edge to it, though,” I said, “he’s hungry for something, and he pulls back unsatisfied from this empty mouth-to-mouth.”

“Oh, he eats out of my mouth too,” she said. — She held out a couple of seeds for him in her lips, with the most delighted, innocent, affectionate smile.

I looked away. She can’t do that… she can’t just fire up my imagination with these images of heavenly innocence and transcendence, and wake my heart up when I’ve finally gotten detached enough from life to lull it to sleep! — Hell, why not? — We’re so close! She knows how much I love her!